There is an old Maine joke where a tourist gets lost driving to a clam bake and pulls over to ask a local for directions. When the tourist tells the guy where they are headed, the local shakes his head and tells them, “You can’t get there from here!” It’s even funnier with the accent, “Caint git thar from he-ah!”
Too often, that is how people feel about their emotional states. The idea that they could be content, or happy, about who and what they are seems totally out of reach given who and what they think they are. The funny thing about the joke is that we know that the only possible way for the tourist to get to the clam bake is to start from where they are. The only way for us to become happy with who and what we are, is to start right where we are, as we are.
People are incredibly resilient, they can be happy and content in all sorts of horrible situations. People are also incredibly fragile and they can be despondent and miserable in all sorts of wonderful situations. The struggle for each of us is to learn how to be happy, or at least tolerate, our own situation, exactly as it is, despite all the apparent challenges of the past and the future.
People spend their whole lives trying to create the right circumstances of their happiness. They pursue careers, religions, therapy, relationships, wealth, fame, success, and at every step of the way they have to be exactly who they are, just as they are. Those who are happy as they go inevitably find happiness where they are going. Those who seek happiness around the next corner, under the right circumstances, will always be chasing the carrot on the stick. The goal recedes as they approach it. For the dog to catch its tail, it has to stop running after it.
Fortunately, at any time, no matter who we are, or what our circumstances are, we can stop, and be exactly as we are in this moment. Whether we stop and notice or not, we will still be exactly as we are. When we take the time to pause, to look compassionately into our situation, we change how we go. Remembering to invite compassion into our awareness will help us deal with any suffering we encounter. If we are hurting in this moment, we can be compassionate with ourselves. If somebody else is hurting, we can be compassionate with them.
As we go through life this way, we create the conditions of happiness and contentment. We don’t look for them at the end of the road, we build them and take them with us as we go, wherever we go.
Taking ten steps in anger will always lead to more anger. Taking ten steps in compassion, will take you to a place of compassion. You absolutely can get there from here. Wherever you are, pause, put down all thoughts about where you’ve been and where you’re going, take a compassionate breath, and for that moment, be right where you are. There you are, right here. Right. Here.
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